Self Esteem

KIND?

Are you kind…to yourself?    

Being kind to ourselves, can sometimes seem like an alien concept. We can easily offer kindness out to others but often we struggle to offer the same compassion to ourselves.

Inner Bully

Think about the language you use towards yourself; do you call yourself useless, blame yourself for everything that goes wrong and tell yourself you’re not good enough? If you answer yes, then it sounds like you may have an inner bully. Your inner bully will keep chipping away at your self-esteem, but where did the bully come from? Maybe you were raised in a home without compassion and don’t really know what it is to experience it, maybe you’ve felt humiliated by another authority figure such as teacher and this is the voice of your inner bully.

Mistakes

Yes, sometimes you will make a mistake, it’s part of being human but part of having compassion for yourself is knowing the difference between making a mistake and being a bad person.

Kindness

Being kind to yourself can help you foster kindness towards others. People who are kind to themselves experience a happier connection to the world and more positive relationships with the people around them.

How can you be kind to yourself?

• Notice that inner bully; the language you use towards yourself, the sound of the voice. Often, we say things to ourselves we would never say to someone else. When you notice it try to reframe it, imagine you are speaking to a friend what would you say to them? You are just as deserving of kindness as the people you are kind to!

• Give yourself permission to be imperfect, it’s ok to be good enough!

• Remember your thoughts are opinions, not facts!

Finally exploring why you find it hard to be kind to yourself with a trusted friend or counsellor can help.

Counselling

Biased Perception – What is it?

When our self-esteem is low we tend to notice anything that helps to prove our negative beliefs about ourselves and discount anything that disproves them. We notice anything that we are unhappy with or don’t like. This might range from how we look, how we act or any simple mistakes we might make.

All of these ‘faults’ seem to jump out at us and we end up focussing on all the things we think we’ve done wrong and we don’t notice the things we’ve done well!

Self Esteem

SELF-ESTEEM

Low self-esteem can hold us back in many ways; not going for that promotion, not making new friends, not asking for a date. But where does it come from? It can come from our early experiences, such as being bullied or rejected. Then we make conclusions about ourselves which become our ‘core beliefs’ which we assume to be ‘statements of fact’ which in turn shape the way we cope in certain situations. It can help to remember that not all your thoughts are facts that you have to believe about yourself!